Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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