He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
