Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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