you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
