Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drake has all the answers
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Shame is for Republicans.
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