Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
