There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
