How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
