After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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