if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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