I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
then he tried to convert me to islam
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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