I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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