i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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