she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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