How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
