People in love make me want to vomit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
