This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
