It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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