Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
