Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize