tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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