Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
