i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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