true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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