How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
