Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
