As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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