I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
