I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Text me some of your sweat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
