.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
