these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
