Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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