escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
