How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
