Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
