We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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