He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
