I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
