You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
