If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize