We're facebook friends in real life
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
