So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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