i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
