Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
