I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
