Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
