He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
