she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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