you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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