I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
