A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
