had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
