Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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