So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize