Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
