Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
