This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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