I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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