we have pet lesbian snakes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I came so hard my ears popped.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
