Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
