there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do herpes really smell.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
