I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
