I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
