Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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