she woke up with a sticky ear
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
