He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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