I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
