I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
