Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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