I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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