There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
