You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
