you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
