My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
