it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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