Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize