Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
